For how long have we been told, either on social media, in talk shows, in the surge of motivational books, etc, not to wear that frown but to smile, “Life is beautiful.” Yes, life is beautiful but it can also be cruel. Although we sometimes make the wrong choices and may have caused what happens to us, sometimes, there is just nothing we can do. Life happens. Sometimes things just happen, people happen, and it gets to us. So, is it OK not to be happy sometimes?

I think it is.

A Wall of Smiley Faces?

We are bombarded with the “happy lives” everyone is leading and the successes they celebrate in Facebook posts. If you scroll down the walls of some of your FB friends, it looks as if their lives are one big, amazing event after the other. Everything is rosy, fantastic, just incredible! The best home, the best furniture, the best smiles, the hottest pouty lips, the great office, the great neighbor, great everything.

To be or Not to be Direct?

Although this differs depending on the culture, most of the time we are conditioned to say that all is well even if the world around us is falling apart.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.” – When you really want to say, “I feel like crying. I don’t know what to do. I need to talk to someone. I feel so lost…” Yep, I’m fine.

Not everyone does that, of course, but even so, with the constant overload of “share your happiness and your perfect life” it often feels as if everyone else is doing everything right and you’re just a big mess, struggling to survive, when in truth the ones posting the “happy stuff” may be struggling as well.

Why do we feel the need to show the world that everything is peachy when it is not? Why is it not common to just be truthful and say how you really are?

And what is with the “tough love” that strangers need to dish out on social media when someone sincerely posts a plea for help or describes what they’re going through? Although tough love can on occasion be necessary, be careful when to give it. You often don’t know the full story and therefore you cannot judge a situation, based on one single post.

Sometimes I say that all is well because I don’t want to bother my friends with what I’m going through or they are going through something as well and I don’t want to add to it. I think that is understandable.

However, when you need to let it out or you want to talk to someone, “sucking it up” and claiming everything is great will just make you feel worse.

You can’t Whisk the Rain Away

We all want to be happy and we often forget to enjoy the journey on the way to our destination. It feels fantastic to be happy. Nonetheless, feeling down is OK. Don’t ever feel you have to magic a smile on your face to hide your true feelings. Since when has feeling sad become a thing we should keep away from others? Is it healthy to only show our happy faces but hide our tears?

“Smile, it’s a beautiful day!” “Cheer up!”

Yes, it is, but on some days it gets cloudy, and there’s nothing wrong with accepting that. I believe that it is unhealthy to ignore the clouds and pretend that it is bright and sunny when it isn’t. Only by confronting the clouds – and perhaps confiding this darkness to a trusted ally – can you send the dark clouds on their way.

Final Thoughts

The reason I wrote this down is not because I “feel gloomy”. I feel fine, but I have been thinking about this for a while now. I think that many will agree with me – I hope so 😉 – you can’t force a smile you don’t want to give. (That being said, just the act of smiling makes one feel so much better. I tried it out, it works!)

If you want to protect someone from whatever you’re going through, that is perfectly understandable, and in that case, the “I’m fine” is justified, but if you just want to project a happy face because it is expected, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

All in all, the ones you can share everything with are the ones who love you, the ones who care.

Update – Note (July 10, 2023): I noticed that some people commented on my “being gloomy” or “sad”. I am not sad, gloomy, or depressed :-). I wrote this as a criticism on the constant need of some (or many) to always show their perfect worlds, their perfect happiness when it is not always genuine. If you share happinesss it should be genuine. When we’re dealing with setbacks that may be upsetting, there’s nothing wrong with some honesty about how you feel.

The overwhelming need to always show how well we are doing and how happy we all are makes it nearly a “sin” to show a genuine sadness over something that happened. And that isn’t right.

Tears shouldn’t be kept in. When tears are bursting to flow out of you, then let them! Let them out, because only after they’re out, can you move on and continue living your life. Suppressing sorrow or tears only makes things worse. It’s best to allow the temporary sad feelings to wash over you instead of ignoring them and hiding them behind a fake smile.